On Being Underground

[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/underground.mp3|titles=Underground|artists=Eminem]

If you’re reading this (hi grandma) it means you’ve probably already seen countless other websites publish trip report after trip report showcasing Utah’s unbelievable early season snowpack.
“Oh my lord, more snow has fallen in the last week in Little Cottonwood than every year since Dinosaurs roamed the earth combined.” (or if you’re LDS, since Joseph Smith hid Dinosaur bones here 6,000 years, I guess)
“It is so deep the Snowbird tram had to have a trench dug underneath it to make it up hidden peak.”
and blah, blah, blah.

Tough day to keep studying.

At this point you’re probably thinking I’d some rad video footage of the mayhem that has occurred over November or at least some pictures, right? WRONG.

I’m here to tell you that I’ve finally seen the light. Skiing is immature, sucks and is generally self-indulgent. You know what is better than skiing? Assembly code programming. You know what feels better than a powder day? x86 jump-and-link statements.

JakeCast. Now with more censorship than WikiLeaks.

Ya, that’s right. After being rejected by Microsoft, Ski Utah and just about every other company that has failed to recognize pure awesomeness I’ve decided to revamp the JCDC as an all programmer’s code reference blog.
This site will stand the test of time in every nerd’s favorite folder next to sites like StackOverflow, cpluplus and CodingHorror.
Ski HelmetCasts will be replaced by time lapse footage of adderall-assisted 13 hour marathon coding sessions in the Cade lab set to the audio recordings of my melodious voice reciting the latest phrack magazine articles.
I’ve got my fingers crossed for a Cheetos sponsorship.

Fear not this change, but embrace it. It’s a brave new world out there and my code will get you more stoked than any flat light helmet-cam hucking ever could.

My bad recursion written in assembly code.  Good way to put me in a crazy home.

sub $sp, $sp, 12
sw $ra, 0($sp)

lw $t1, 0($s3)
add $t1, $t1, 1
sw $t1, 0($s3)

#print recursion depth string
li $v0, 4 #Print string
la $a0, NewLineString
syscall

li $v0, 4
la $a0, RecursionDepthString
syscall

lw $t1, 0($s2)
li $v0, 1 # Print out N
la $a0, 0($t1)
syscall

li $v0, 4
la $a0, ColonString
syscall

#print ‘n’ number of ‘x’s
li $t7, 0

PrintLoopOne:
bge $t7, $t1, SetValues

li $v0, 4 #Print string
la $a0, XString
syscall

add $t7, $t7, 1

j PrintLoopOne

#print new line
li $v0, 4 #Print string
la $a0, NewLineString
syscall

SetValues:

#set value statements
lw $t1, 0($s2)

#set i
li $t2, 0
add $t2, $t1, 5
sw $t2, 0($s0)
sw $t2, 4($s6)

#set k
li $t0, 0
sub $t0, $t1, 6
sw $t0, 8($s6)

#set j
li $t5, 0
add $t5, $t1, 1
sw $t5, 0($s1)

…Ah, I’m just kidding. Don’t get so bent out of shape.

Truth is due to school and surgery (mostly school) I’ve only managed to ski 3 times this year (vs. the 20+ days I’ve had by this time in years past). I made some poor choices in regards to my class schedule this fall and it has seriously hindered my JCDC-related shenanigans. This spring should not be so bad so hopefully I’ll be able to actually do something fun again.

Screw skiing, now I plead to Ullr to bring in a storm to let me breathe.

On the positive note, the air in Salt Lake positively sucks right now, which makes being stuck in the library at 8:30p on a Sunday slightly more bearable. I’m helping the situation by not driving my car up LCC this weekend. All you selfish skiers are part of the problem, driving your gas-guzzling Subarus up and down Highway 210 in pursuit of powder.
Join me in making patchouli oil and playing hackey sack here at the U and I can share some of the knowledge I gained by growing up in the suburbs of San Francisco. I’m in my early 20s so I know, like a lot, about stuff and things.

Easy day to keep studying and never go outside or breathe.
Just like being back in San Francisco. Except the fog is poison.

Fondly missing the days in third grade when all I’d do is sniff glue through a tube and play rubik’s cube.*
Jake

*stolen. i’ll be back soon with some ski footage in addition to these eminem lyrics soon enough.

Always Wax Your Skis With Real Butter

[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/niceweatherforducks.mp3|titles=Nice Weather For Ducks Sound|artists=Lemon Jelly]

I do not know how much red bull it takes to cure knee swelling from a two week old surgery scar, but I’m damn sure going to find out. I feel I must, in the name of science.

The best guidebook.

It is starting to feel like the right time of year to arrive at the lab in all your ski gear and try and convince your TA that you are, in fact, really serious about coding and that you only own bright ski pants because you get extremely cold even in the WEB and are afraid of the the UofU campus officers on segways hitting you if you only wear jeans.

Whatever. Skiing is for dorks.

Not The Bee’s Knees

[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/amfmsound.mp3|titles=AM/FM Sound|artists=Matt & Kim]

Uhhhhhh. My knee, magnified.

As I recently discovered, my legs have become so muscular from all the super-rad-gnarly-extremeness that is my everyday life (Programming day…Erry day) that my muscle tissue has begun to outgrow my body’s size creating complications.

To rectify this situation, I woke up yesterday, got driven to the University of Utah Orthopedic Center, rocked out and danced in the waiting room for the better part of an hour (thx new Matt & Kim album) and got put down with enough anesthetic to tranquilize a small elephant. After that, some super rad doctors cut out the excess muscle that was causing so much issue while still leaving me enough strength to drop kick a cinder block the length of two football fields.

Following the workout routines of MTV’s Jersey Shore cast, I should be good to go by ski season. Unfortunately all the squat thrusts in the world are not going to help me understand this code I wrote while high on hydrocodone and decided not to comment.

/* Function definitions are for posers */
Jake

Postscript: Star athlete Nik Aksamit did not win 4Frnt’s shreddership contest after they decided they did not make a ski strong enough to support his flat light hucking. Bummer dude, I picked this post’s song to cheer you up-

The End Is Nigh

[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/haveyoupassedthroughthisnight.mp3|titles=Have You Passed Through This Night?|artists=Explosions In The Sky]

Update: 10/26 @ 10:57p
Oh. Hey Winter. Welcome back. I MISSED YOU.

For those wondering, the inequality goes: Lake Effect > Bad Knee. EVERY. TIME.

Better late than never, eh Utah? I had planned on giving up on school, friends and family over break, but you didn’t provide for me. The snow finally showed up this week and hiking season is upon us.

Daydreaming.

According to my doctor there is a difference between this MRI of my knee and what a normal knee should look like.
Three separate meniscus tears and bone damage my ass, this looks photoshop’d to me.

Good way to wake up.

Also. Keep voting this guy for the 4FRNT shreddership. No one is progressing the books-on-tape ski edit soundtrack more than him.

Nik Aksamit showing that skiing is serious business.

Wondering how upset my surgeon is going to be when I show up for my appt. on Thursday in ski pants,
Jake

Vote Pearled Barley in 2010.

[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/college.mp3|titles=College (8-Bit)|artists=Animal Collective]

Okay. So you can’t vote, but you can send your support out to Nik Aksamit, who is currently one of the four finalists in 4FRNT’s Shreddership contest. A contest that rates skiing ability with academics in order for one lucky student to win thousands of free pairs of skis or some 4FRNT labeled mechanical pencils (sz. 0.7 lead please).
The good news is Nik is easily one of the top 43 skiers at Snowbird who are also from Boise, ID and are currently graduate students in Math Theory at the University of Utah with an emphasis on all topics that are applicable to nothing and like to drink copious amounts of pumpkin flavored egg-nog until they puke in the bathrooms of the Sugarhouse dollar theater.

Top 3 Reasons Why Nik Aksamit Should Win:
This Rad Video

This Rad Paper on Non-Fibered Two-Bridge Knot Complements

This Rad Photo of Nik & Marcus Making Bad Decisions

Visit 4FRNT’s website or graffiti your favorite bathroom stall to show your support!

Nik Aksamit, “Tall like I ball ’till I fall.”

Or click here:
http://www.facebook.com/4frntskis

Hoping it snows soon and The Social Network makes girls think I’ll invent facebook-