[audio: http://www.jakecast.com/wp-music/theprayer.mp3|titles=The Prayer|artists=Kid Cudi]

Given that I’ve been climbing for almost three weeks now I figure I’m about an expert. It is with that philosophy that I departed Salt Lake City last weekend to camp and climb in southern Utah and show these so called veterans how it’s really done.

Day 1. (technically 2, but I don’t have any pictures from the dirt road we slept in on the first night)
Welcome to Wall Street

I refuse to wear anything other than shirts from Big Mountain Skiing Competitions when climbing. It makes all the hippy girls swoon.

I decided to make my second climb of the trip my first time cleaning gear. I figure you get a lot of second chances when un-tieing and re-tieing your rope at the top of a climb.

I had a stranger from CO talk to me about skiing later on in the trip. He told me my skier thighs would make it tough to be a strong climber. Psh. Not if I’m able to shove my whole leg into the wall when crack climbing.

Climbing. A sport dominated by hacky sacks, dread locks…and THUG LIFE.
Philipp shows us how he earned his street cred. in Deutschland

I rep the Compton Crips. 4 LIFE.

Philipp throws his hands in the air…for Cooler Ranch Doritos

I rep the Compton Crips. 4 LIFE. Until I figure out a different gangs hand symbol…

Dajana poses at our first campsite.

View of the Colorado river from our campsite. I would later jump in the water to wash 11.6lbs of chalk off my body. I did not bring a bathing suit.
I hope German girls understand the principals of cold water and ‘shrinkage’ or my reputation as an international playboy is RUINED.

Day 2.
Philipp brings out the heavy equipment.

JP lends some height perspective in this photo. Notice the cam already placed by Philipps feet. I’m sure that’ll come in handy if he falls…

Philipp managed to place a cam or hex nut ever 6 inches up this entire climb. Can’t say it didn’t make me feel better when I followed him up, but I’m pretty sure we looked like idiots.

JP starts lunch time off with some warm unprocessed mayonnaise.

Note the Doritos hidden behind the cooler in this photo. We thought it would make us look cooler.

Dajana wonders why all the holds are sloped downwards. I feel your pain sister. I feel it.

Philipp cruises up a sweet crimpy route like all the holds are giant handles.

I lead my first trad route. Admittedly, it probably would have gone much smoother if I didn’t turn around and shout, ‘That’s what she said’ every time they told me to place the gear deep in the crack.
But you know what?! It was funny. And everyone laughed. EVERY TIME.

JP maxes out on the crux of a 5.12. I tried it after him. Remember the monkey bars in elementary school? Imagine swinging on those. Except they are all 5′ apart. And instead of going horizontally they go directly up. And instead of grabbing them you hang on them with the first pad of your finger. And your belayer is in the middle of a major roadway looking up trying to give you beta.
…and there’s bees. With giant lasers on their heads.

Here’s a crimpy route I actually managed to finish. I affectionately called this hold, ‘go fuck yourself and stop stabbing me in the finger.’ Hanging onto it was harder than grabbing a quarter out from in between the seat of your car and your center console while you’re driving down Little Cottonwood Canyon and being followed by a cop.
With that in mind you can imagine how excited I was when I found out I got to put all my weight on it and swing my body 4′ to the left and reach one handed for another shitty hold. Oh. And then I got to do that again. 20 more times. Until I made it to the top. Oh yay.

Phillip and I were integral parts of the tent preparation team.

Day 3
After I’d on sighted and free-climbed every route on Wall St. we decided it would be best if I didn’t make all the patchouli wearing nutjobs of the western US cry anymore and we went bouldering.

Man. These photos would be so much more rad if you couldn’t see the ground…3 feet below me…

Nice JP! Quick every grab cameras! And no one spot him!

Dajana breaks her nails showing us how it’s done on this problem.

Philipp decided to play the ‘Let’s make up the worlds most awkward bouldering move’ game by himself. He won.

Lunch time! JP found a sweet hole to cook hot dogs in away from the wind. Don’t worry man, I’m sure no ones used that as a bathroom before…

Philipps crash pad said it was a single, but I think it was a roomy twin…

Scenic hike finale

Bouldering in a national park. Definitely a wise choice.

Emo JP. He’s too cool to look at the camera.

We hiked all the way here for this?! Psh. I could have just seen that from the back of our state licence plates.

Bro. Quite biting my steeze man. I’m trying to get some sweet lifestyle shots.

More pretty things.

Male bonding.

Yes ladies…the rumors are true.

Also. Ski footage is coming soon. First week of May was the most wintery it ever got this season. And I recorded footage and wore a sweatshirt everyday in honor of spring powder. I make pneumonia look way cool.

Jake